Donald Trump learned the meaning of the word Strong in True, North, Strong and Free at the hands of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau when they met in Washington yesterday. Donald Trump’s handshake technique, meant to show his dominance by pulling his co-shakee off balance, failed to achieve its goal with our masterful Mr. Trudeau. Trudeau was prepared for this tactic and met the Donald as the master in each of his attempts.
This was good but I think it would have been funnier if the taller Justin had offered a high-five. Donald Trump would have been there, red-faced and jumping with his little hand flailing in the air trying to make contact. Oh, good times.
This amazing 1 Million Dollar coin, one of 5, is on display at the Royal Ontario Museum. The Royal Canadian Mint produced this 100kg bad boy in Ottawa in 2007, made of 99999 pure gold bullion, to show off a little. After some big-shots came forward wanting one for their vaults, the Mint made 4 more.
In October 2007, the Guinness World Records recognized the Canadian Million Dollar Coin as the largest gold coin.
Artist and senior engraver Stan Witten design the Tail side of the coin featuring some polished maple leafs, of course. The Head side by Canadian portrait artist Susanna Blunt oddly shows an effigy of Stephen Colbert (not Canadian) in drag, I mean Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II (also not Canadian).
Not shown is the giant change-purse with a native beaded depiction of the Littlest Hobo in the next room.
Here’s a favour to everyone. Watch this trailer and feel like you’ve now seen it without having to endure the entire film. This diaper load from writer-director Kevin Smith might be less offensive than Argo because it doesn’t spoof Canadian heroes, just hosers, but that’s not saying much. Like many films of the deep dark past when white actors played non-white characters, this one pours the American-style beet-sugar, fake maple syrup all over it’s cinematic trojan horse.
Years ago, it was very common for actors like Christopher Lee to play Fu Manchu or Laurence Olivier to play Othello in black-face but there are Canadian actors all over the place! Hollywood is filthy with them, not to mention Canada, where you filmed this. Under closer scrutiny CCT found that not only are the leads not Canadian, there isn’t one Canadian in the cast – not one. What?
The two young stars unknowingly I’m sure, play roles that nod to the historic racism of Hollywood. Kevin Smith’s daughter Harley Quinn Smith is to Yoga Hosers what Mickey Rooney was to Breakfast at Tiffany’s and for Lily-Rose, I’ll dig into the distant familial past to her father Johnny Depp’s horrific portrayal of Lone Ranger’s partner, Tonto. Lily-Rose Depp’s role as a hapless Canadian teen at least hasn’t completely deconstructed a beloved icon.
Come on, Mr. Smith, no one needs your Canadian Trilogy. Canadians are masters of comedy and need to be revered as such. This film is too absurd to explain and a viewing of the trailer should be enough.
Here’s a few great ads that really accentuate getting toasted. Why drink a little when a lot is so much better?
Here’s a great ad from 1957 for Dow beer. It’s as if he told his wife that he would drink more than a six-pack. Little did she know the bottles would be the size of a pop bottle!
When you want to make sure your husband passes out after a hard day’s work serve up some Brights 74 Sherry. Bright’s 74 Sherry ad 1959.
When two bottles of wine with dinner just isn’t enough. Bright’s Canadian Wine ad 1958.
If you’re like me, nothing goes better with swinging a racket than some nice, light whisky. Corby’s Very Light Canadian Whisky ad 1960.
In 1966, a number of people died in Quebec from excessively drinking Dow Beer. Mr. Gendron, the President of Dow Breweries made light of the situation, claiming you would need to drink 28-38 bottles of beer a day or something like to have a fatal result. Clearly from the advertising below Dow wasn’t suggesting that people drink that much beer – a two shelves of beer to one shelf of food is a normal ratio in a refrigerator.
Who needs food when you need to keep all of your beer cold. Dow beer ad 1957.
Or maybe booze isn’t your thing, maybe some of Dr. Williams’ Pink Pills would help you get back “In the Pink!” Dr. Williams Pink Pills ad 1953.
I’m not exactly sure what the Oilsands look like and for some reason I think of the quicksand episode of Gilligan’s Island. Perhaps its more like Lawrence of Arabia and the Oilsands are just too friggin’ hot to think straight. Regardless, it is a shame when a group is so oblivious that it doesn’t seem to understand how offensive it is. Kind of like when your racist grandparent talks out loud about the nice negro doctor. The Canada Oilsands Community, one of many Canadian oil advocates, ran this ad last month to the chagrin and confoundedness of Canadians everywhere.
Canada Oilsands Community Ad July 25, 2016
Canada Oilsands Community founder Robbie Picard, an openly gay (strange-but-true) Oilsands activist was shocked at the backlash. It seems that no matter how many times it’s pointed out to him, he defends his mistake with an explanation of how he thinks everyone is hot. Picard explained, “When I say lesbians are hot, I don’t think there is anything wrong about saying that. I think all lesbians are hot and I’m not opposed to putting a picture of two guys up there. It was just to strike up a conversation. I find anybody is hot. I think two women kissing is hot. I think that something that is part of the fabric of our city — that we can do whatever we want in our country — that is hot.”
While I can agree that Mr. Picard is not all wrong about our freedom to make asses of ourselves, he has managed to once again offend without seeming to realise how. He included people in his hot designation, but he failed to give a nod or shout-out to hotdogs, Red Hot candies and has slighted the chili-pepper growers, flat-out offending India, Mexico and Trinidad. In a press release, The Red Hot Chili Peppers have agreed to headline at the upcoming Hotchilipalooza raising money for Robbie Picard’s sensitivity training (This might not be true).
Once the smoke cleared from his absurdity-bomb, he went on about the Oilsands and buying Canadian oil. Unfortunately, now we can’t help thinking about hot lesbians and can’t focus enough on the details of why we should buy Canadian Oil.
I expect the next ad should run with a picture of Mr. Picard holding up his ad beside the caption that reads, “In Saudi Arabia you would get your head chopped off for running an ad like this. In Canada, it probably won’t even affect your career.”
And remember, hot lesbians buy Canadian Oil, and so should you.
