Golly, them Oilsands is Hot…like Lesbians!?

I’m not exactly sure what the Oilsands look like and for some reason I think of the quicksand episode of Gilligan’s Island. Perhaps its more like Lawrence of Arabia and the Oilsands are just too friggin’ hot to think straight. Regardless, it is a shame when a group is so oblivious that it doesn’t seem to understand how offensive it is. Kind of like when your racist grandparent talks out loud about the nice negro doctor. The Canada Oilsands Community, one of many Canadian oil advocates, ran this ad last month to the chagrin and confoundedness of Canadians everywhere.

Canada Oilsands Community Ad July 25, 2016
Canada Oilsands Community Ad July 25, 2016

Canada Oilsands Community founder Robbie Picard, an  openly gay (strange-but-true) Oilsands activist was shocked at the backlash. It seems that no matter how many times it’s pointed out to him, he defends his mistake with an explanation of how he thinks everyone is hot. Picard explained, “When I say lesbians are hot, I don’t think there is anything wrong about saying that. I think all lesbians are hot and I’m not opposed to putting a picture of two guys up there. It was just to strike up a conversation. I find anybody is hot. I think two women kissing is hot. I think that something that is part of the fabric of our city — that we can do whatever we want in our country — that is hot.”

While I can agree that Mr. Picard is not all wrong about our freedom to make asses of ourselves, he has managed to once again offend without seeming to realise how. He included people in his hot designation, but he failed to give a nod or shout-out to hotdogs, Red Hot candies and has slighted the chili-pepper growers, flat-out offending India, Mexico and Trinidad. In a press release, The Red Hot Chili Peppers have agreed to headline at the upcoming Hotchilipalooza raising money for Robbie Picard’s sensitivity training (This might not be true).

Once the smoke cleared from his absurdity-bomb, he went on about the Oilsands and buying Canadian oil. Unfortunately, now we can’t help thinking about hot lesbians and can’t focus enough on the details of why we should buy Canadian Oil.

I expect the next ad should run with a picture of Mr. Picard holding up his ad beside the caption that reads, “In Saudi Arabia you would get your head chopped off for running an ad like this. In Canada, it probably won’t even affect your career.”

And remember, hot lesbians buy Canadian Oil, and so should you.

 

Posted in Alberta, Business, Canada, Canadian Money, Current Events, LGTBQ | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

The Star-Spangled Banner, eh?

CCT-AttackFortMcHenry

It might seem like a strange subject for Canadian Culture Thing but the Star-Spangled Banner has deep Canadian roots and could have never been written if not for the villain of its story – Canada.

After dishing out some payback for declaring war on Canada, by torching the White House and other government buildings in Washington, Major General Robert Ross and Vice Admiral Alexander Cochrane set out to add insult to injury in the War of 1812 by going after Baltimore. Baltimore was a busy port and was thought by the British to harbour American privateers, government-sanctioned terrorists, who were raiding their ships.

The Burning of Washington 1814
The Burning of Washington 1814

The plan was for Major General Robert Ross to launch a land attack at North Point and for Vice Admiral Alexander Cochrane to lay down a thrashing to Fort McHenry at Baltimore Harbour. When Ross arrived, he was greeted by 3,000 American soldiers sent to duke it out as a planned distraction while the Americans made fortifications. Ross was killed by a sniper during the battle and replaced by the less competent Colonel Arthur Brooke. The Americans retreated.

The next day, Brooke was surprised to find that he faced 12,000 troops dug in behind substantial earthworks east of the city. Under orders not to attack unless there was a high chance of success, Brooke poked around and found no discernible weaknesses in the line of defence so he sat back and waited to see the result of Cochrane’s attack of Fort McHenry.

On September 13, a bombardment began on Fort McHenry. Nineteen British ships began pounding Fort McHenry with Congreve Rockets from rocket vessel HMS Erebus and mortar shells from bomb vessels Terror, Volcano, Meteor, Devastation and Aetna (the Deadpool and Rocket Robin Hood were late getting to the fight). After the initial exchange of fire, the Canadians withdrew beyond range of Fort McHenry’s cannons and continued to blast the Americans for another 27 hours.

As night fell, Cochrane sent out a landing party in small boats to the west of the fort, distracting the centrally concentrated defence for a half hour or so, affording the British a little time to blast them some more. After the 27-hour bombardment, Cochrane figured drawing the battle out might be too costly and decided to pack it in.

Brooke’s orders were clear that they weren’t to attack the American positions around Baltimore unless they were certain that there were less than 2,000 soldiers in the fort. Because of his orders and the loss of naval support, Brooke was forced to return to the fleet as they prepared to attack New Orleans.

Early manuscript of the Defence of Fort McHenry by
Early manuscript of the Defence of Fort McHenry/Star-Spangled Banner by Francis Scott Key

During the assault an American lawyer (and amateur poet), Francis Scott Key was appealing to the British for the release of his friend Dr. William Beanes, a prisoner from the Washington wedgie. The British agreed to Beanes’ release but he and Francis Scott Key would have to remain on the British truce ship until the end of the siege as they had heard information that could be used against the British forces in the hands of the Americans.

On the morning of September 14, 1814, the Americans took down the tattered and scorched storm flag at Fort McHenry and replaced it with a ginormous 9.1m x 12.8m (30’ x 42’) American Super-Flag! The flag had been made a year earlier by local flag-maker Mary Pickergill and her 13-year-old daughter. As the sun rose, Francis Scott Key could see the flag from the truce ship on the Patapsco River, some say it could even be seen from the moon. Feeling all warm and gushy inside, Key began jotting down verses on the back of a letter he was carrying and the rest is anthem-history.

Cover of the Star Spangled Banner sheet music
Cover of the Star Spangled Banner sheet music
CCT-SSBMusic
Sheet music for the Star Spangled Banner

Star-Spangled Banner

O! say can you see, by the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there;
O! say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

On the shore dimly seen through the mists of the deep,
Where the foe’s haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o’er the towering steep,
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning’s first beam,
In full glory reflected now shines in the stream:
‘Tis the star-spangled banner, O! long may it wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

And where is that band who so vauntingly swore
That the havoc of war and the battle’s confusion,
A home and a country, should leave us no more?
Their blood has washed out their foul footsteps’ pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave:
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave,
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

O! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved homes and the war’s desolation.
Blest with vict’ry and peace, may the Heav’n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: ‘In God is our trust.’
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Some historians have mistakenly assumed that the raising of the big flag was to taunt the Canadians with a “Look! You missed this giant flag! What were you aiming at anyway?” but the Fort customarily raised this flag every morning along with reveille.

CCT-Fort_McHenry_flag
The Ginormous Fort McHenry Super-Flag photographed in 1873

Ironically, Francis Scott Key’s poem, “the Defence of Fort McHenry” was set to the tune of a British song called “To Anacreon in Heaven” written by John Stafford Smith as the official song of the Anacreonic Society, an 18th-century gentleman’s club of amateur London musicians. Eventually becoming known as “the Star-Spangled Banner”, the American Congress made it the official national anthem of the United States in 1931.

While we all listen to this anthem at sporting events, it seems that no one knows that it was Canada’s rockets flaring red and Canada’s bombs bursting in the air. No one seems to know that the villain of the Star-Spangled Banner was in fact Canada. Though we were painted as the villain, we were merely responding offensively to a declaration of war from the United States. It’s kind of like when you come to the realisation that the poor, victimized Goldilocks has actually burglarized and vandalized the Bears’ home while they were out for a walk.

And now…

Celine Dion sings the American and Canadian national anthems prior to the start of the Montreal Expos’ home opener versus the Philadelphia Phillies on April 13, 1984. Celine was just two weeks past her sixteenth birthday. That’s right, we inspired an awesome anthem but we’ve got Celine Dion. (Sorry for the static).


Oh, by the way the Expos beat the Phillies 5-1.

Pete Rose had been having a bad year and spent most of his time sitting on the Phillies bench. He was eventually granted an unconditional release from the Phillies in late October 1983. Phillies management wanted to retain Rose for the 1984 season, but he refused to accept a more limited playing role. Months later, he signed a one-year contract with the Montreal Expos. On April 13, 1984, the 21st anniversary of his first career hit, Rose doubled off the Phillies’ Jerry Koosman for his 4,000th career hit, becoming the second player in the 4000 hit club (joining Ty Cobb).

Again, Canada seems to be the inspiration for some great American thing.

Posted in Canada, Canadian Celebrities, Historical, Politics, Pop Culture, Ships | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Buy Canadian. Honeygate.

Honeygate-FieldCrop

Canada does not make everything. We just don’t. But we do produce a bunch of stuff and that stuff should be what we buy in Canada. There’s no-brainer stuff like maple syrup and beer but if we realise that buying foreign maple syrup would be ridiculous, why would we not apply that same logic to every purchase we make? Sure, we can have the occasional Stella but it is always in knowing that it’s just to mix things up, not that it’s the better choice. It is better to buy strawberries that have ben grown within 500 km from your home, than from Chile, or even California for that matter. We should always buy Canadian first. That should be the choice over foreign options when there is a choice.

Among these things that we do produce, is honey.

The strange thing about the honey market is that it breaks conventional buying trends. The largest company charges the most for their honey, and Canadians still buy it. We will hum and haw about the price of organic produce and choose GMO, shrink-wrapped, foreign produce because supporting local farmers costs more. Yet, in the case of honey, we’ll pay more because we trust that cute little bee illustration as being the healthier choice. Of course, it also says Canada all over it, doesn’t it? It does.

But in all the wrong ways.

McCormick Canada owns most of the honey shelf-space in grocery stores. Their cute little Billy Bee buzzing around and their Natural Honey Farms brand calling us like a siren to its green fields. Their packages say things like Canada No.1 (a colour grading system) and Canada’s Favourite (because they take up so much of the honey market). Why wouldn’t we buy that? Why wouldn’t you pay more for it? It’s so Canadian. Canada shows up on the back label as well, only instead of Product of Canada, it usually reads “a blend of Canadian and Chinese honey” or “a blend of Canadian and Argentinian honey”.

Wait. What?

Honeygate-NaturalHoneyFarms

McCormick Canada, the world’s largest packager of honey uses foreign honey in most of their honey brands even though Canada exports half of the honey it produces. What’s worse is that Chinese and Argentinian honey contains antibiotics to keep their bees healthy and alive. This contaminates the honey so much that in 2002, Europe banned the import of honey from the world’s largest producer of honey – China.

McCormick Canada has no such concerns about Chinese honey, and it must have huge savings to their bottom-line. But when a price is set by a company’s own SRP, why not just raise the price? Oh, that’s right, they did that too. McCormick Canada’s honey is usually 25% more expensive than other brands.

McCormick Canada spokesperson Andrew Foust confirmed that Billy Bee, which they call “Canada’s favourite”, makes its product using a “small portion of Argentinian honey” and its Natural Honey Farms brand uses Chinese honey. In an attempt to minimize the absurdity, he added that 85 percent of the honey McCormick Canada uses comes from Canada. That leaves a mere 15 percent coming from foreign sources.

Only 15 percent you say?

UFO Vancouver

I once attended a lecture by nuclear physicist and UFO researcher, Stanton T. Friedman. Putting aside ones opinion on the existence of little green men visiting our planet, the probing kind or not, he broke down sightings into percentages. When showing the breakdown of annual UFO sightings, he explained that a percentage were known satellites, another percentage were known commercial aircraft, these private aircraft, these ones military, those are weather balloons, this percentage was birds and so on. At the end, he showed that the military could account for 96% of all UFO sightings.

Phew, that was scary for a moment…wait, what? 4% are completely unknown? Imagine if that number was 15%.

While I settle into my bunker, let’s get back to the 15% foreign honey.

The 15% in question travelled 11,000 km from Argentina or 9,500 km from China. It used endless resources, trucks, trains, boats, trains and trucks again, and to save what? Canada produces about 65 Million pounds of honey per year, exporting its 20 to 30 million pound surplus to the States. But while Canada produces far more than our market requires, companies like McCormick Canada still use foreign honey as filler in most of its honey brands.

Often being sold in Canada and the U.S. below market value, Chinese honey is a great temptation to companies who want to save a few bucks, regardless if Chinese honey has been banned in Europe because it is considered unsafe.

One particular problem is that Chinese and Argentinian honey is known to include chloramphenicol, an antibiotic used to keep the bees healthy and alive. Unfortunately, chloramphenicol is known to transfer into the honey they produce. In some susceptible people, it can cause aplastic anemia, a fatal blood condition. Though most countries, not including Canada, have banned chloramphenicol in food production, the U.S. penalized China with a heavy tariff of over $2/kg. Because of the high tariff China often launders its honey through countries like Russia, India, Indonesia, Malaysia, Mongolia, the Philippines, South Korea, Taiwan and Thailand, switching the country of origin so it won’t be inspected for markers that show its true source.

And the honey thickens.

This got me thinking, what is the actual honey footprint at the local grocery store? How many honey brands contain this foreign honey? What does the honey say in my own pantry? I never thought to look at its origin, it had to be all-Canadian.

Honeygate-HoneyShelf

Recently, I started drinking peppermint tea and in trying to reduce my sugar intake, began using honey. Being the bargain shopper I am, when I see something I regularly use on sale, I buy it and because of this thriftiness, I had collected a few bottles of honey in my cupboard. I had a bottle of McCormick Canada’s Natural Honey Farm brand as well as their Billy Bee brand honey in the cute little bear bottle. I scanned the label, ignoring all of the shout-outs to Canada such as Canada’s favourite and Canada number 1 (that sounds so patriotic), and then my worst fears were confirmed!

Half expecting that my research was misleading; I reached for the first bottle. It sadly read “A blend of Canadian and Chinese honey” and the latter read “A blend of Canadian and Argentinian honey”. O-M-G! The corrupted honey dripping down the shelves of my own innocent pantry? Now tainted like a gangster’s moll. After everything I had recently learned about the global honey crime syndicate, I felt criminally traitorous! Contaminated like honey even! Exit stage left.

How could this be true in mainstream top dollar priced honey from that cute little Billy Bee? And I asked again, how much could they have saved?

This led me to reluctantly reach for a large bottle of honey that I had bought, secretly feeling guilty when I had put it in my shopping cart. By buying this honey I thought I was somehow mistreating my children, feeding them store-brand honey because it was so much less expensive than the Billy Bee honey. My shame mounting, knowing I was sure to read the worst description ever, “contains Argentinian and Chinese honey” and that’s why it’s so damned cheap! Mustering my bravery and overcoming my embarrassment, I turned my bottle of Compliments brand honey, priced 30% cheaper than it’s Billy Bee competitors, and it was…produced…entirely in Canada! How can this be? Suddenly, the honey conspiracy seemed far worse than I had originally thought. McCormick Canada (an American company that adds the Canada to their name for their Honey and Clubhouse Spices lines) saves by using low quality, antibiotic-infused honey and then charges top-dollar for it while a no-name brand uses Canadian honey and sells it at a reasonable price. That doesn’t make any sense.

I immediately reached out to give Compliments Brand owner Sobeys Inc. a buzz!

Honeygate-Compliments

I emailed Sobeys Inc. asking how a store-brand product could be Product of Canada while major brands use a portion of foreign honey in their premium-priced products? How is it that theirs, and other store brands don’t? Is it because Compliments doesn’t sell enough volume for the savings to be worthwhile? Is it a stance to “buy Canadian”? Or is it that they do use a portion of foreign honey and are not labeling the fact?

The response took a couple of days and in that time I started to really consider that they weren’t responding because I had uncovered their diabolical lie, that they were misleading the end-user with a “Product of Canada” nonsense label.

Had the honey conspiracy become an even greater scandal? I began to fear I’d be visited by the Honey Mob and sent off with some smoke to sleep with the bees.

Then I received a response from Sobeys and it was a sweet as it should be. Jacquelin Corrado clarified that their “Compliments Organic Honey and Compliments Pure Natural Honey Liquid, is made with 100 per cent pure Canadian Honey, supplied by a producer-owned cooperative in Canada.” She explained that their “strategy is to buy from domestic growers first and work extensively with them to offer customers a wide selection of local products.”

This is what I needed to hear. That a Canadian company like Sobeys with $24-Billion in annual sales hasn’t been tempted to pad the bottom line by stirring in some junk honey. Ms. Corrado added, “As a proudly Canadian company, buying Canadian is important to us, because it underscores our belief in supporting the local communities we proudly serve.”

McCormick Canada has some explaining to do.

Actually, they don’t. It doesn’t really matter what they have to add. This is their practice. We are simply left with a choice. Do we buy expensive honey with unhealthy foreign ingredients or do we buy inexpensive all-Canadian honey?

As Canadians we should not tolerate this behaviour from any company. I could get into the particulars about bees and how they pollinate plants and without them, we’ll die as a species…bor-ing. How massive bee colonies are dying the world over so we should keep them healthy without pumping them full of antibiotics, but you don’t want to hear that…what’s on TV? I could talk about jobs and the livelihood of farmers but I won’t. I’ll get to the point…Buy Canadian – invest in ourselves!

The time has come, Canada, to read the label and know that when you can get a Canadian product, that should be the choice you make because that’s the right choice. Complacency dictates that people generally won’t pay higher prices for their health but in the case of honey, the Canadian choice is the cheaper or comparably priced choice. Let’s be dependent on ourselves whenever we can. Buy the things that people just like you make, the people that support your employment, people who make a decent wage, next-door neighbours who participate in the Canada you share.

The truth is that Canada doesn’t produce everything we use, need or want, but when it does it should be purchased before a foreign choice, no matter how cute the mascot is or the cost. Instead of interpreting the price of Canadian goods as being expensive, remember that the cheaper item is just greatly underpriced and consider why that is – you’re smart; you were educated in Canada.

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Superman the SuperCanuck!

Joe Shuster was a Canadian comic book artist who co-created Superman for DC Comics, with writer Jerry Siegel. Superman first appeared in Action Comics #1 in June of 1938 and then made his second appearance in Superman #1.

Action cover 1

 

Joe Shuster

Think of just how Canadian Superman is.

  • He immigrated to Earth and was welcomed.
  • His alter-ego is very polite.
  • Metropolis is Metropolitan Toronto.
  • He works at the Daily Planet which is the Daily Star (Today the Toronto Star).
  • His girlfriend is a Female star reporter which would be far more likely in Canada in the 1930’s who was considerably more progressive.
  • Also, Superman’s weakness for the Kryptonite is similar to Margaret Trudeau’s weakness for Rolling Stones.

47-siegel-shuster

superman1_afterfront

joe-shuster, comic table

Superman-Jerry-Siegel-and-Joe-Shuster-4

margaret_trudeau_mick_jagger

 

Posted in Canada, Canadian Celebrities, Canadian Literature, Canadiana, Historical, Television | Tagged , | 1 Comment